She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize