I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
