matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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