the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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