i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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