that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
