Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I touched a dick in church today
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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