he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
