my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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