just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
