Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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