I think my vagina is haunted
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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