i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
As shirtless as possible
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
