He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
