I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
