am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
