never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize