no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
