I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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