Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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