The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
