My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
