i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
