And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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