Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
