What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
