He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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