My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
