I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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