im six kinds of drunk right now
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
