I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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