woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
