And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
