Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
