i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
