we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
