No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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