I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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