I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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