this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
4 words: hood of his car
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
