Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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