I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my vag is so smooth its legendary
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
