His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
