well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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