I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
