My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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