So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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