If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Damn victory sex feels great
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
