i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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