where am i from again
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
