Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
