So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
