Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
