my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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