I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
