no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you win again, gameday.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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