Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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