It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize