i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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