You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
