His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
