Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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