she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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