ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
