Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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