I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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