I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
