He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize