I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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