At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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