I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
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