i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
