Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
